NO WAY R.A.

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NO WAY R.A.

created by Cheryl Dellasega

edited by Brook Noel, CEO, Champion Press

Still not sure what "RA" or relational aggression is all about? Think about behaviors that are used to hurt another person without ever pulling a punch or giving a kick: spreading hurtful rumors, sending a hateful email or IM, deliberately excluding someone from a party....these are just a few examples of subtle, social aggression--or RA.

In this newsletter, Brook and I hope to provide you with information that will help young women achieve their dreams. We both believe: "It takes a girl to change the world."
 

In each free newsletter you'll find:

     • Activities and ideas to implement with girls

     • Facts and quizzes to expand knowledge

     • Product announcements and tools to help

     • Updates on Club and Camp Ophelia programs

     • A printable activity
 

If you have a particular topic you'd like to see addressed in the
newsletter, or a question about girls, don't hesitate to email us
at opheliasmother@aol.com 

We appreciate your support in creating safe places for girls.
Cheryl Dellasega, Ph.D

New and Noteworthy:

'Flip the Script and Stop the Drama' is a video created by girls who attended Camp Ophelia in 2005.  It tells the story of a group of girls whose friendship ends due to relational aggression.  If you're interested in learning more about the video, which was funded by Penn State's Children's Miracle Network contact Cheryl at cdellasega@psu.edu 

                                    Product Updates

 Club Ophelia products are now available from Champion Press, Ltd. To visit the shop, please click here

Our new mentor and director programs offer a way to take Cheryl's training without the need for travel. As part of the training you receive a full 3-DVD series featuring the same material from an actual training. This program is essential for those looking to build a successful anti-bullying program. To learn about these new comprehensive training programs, please click here

Brochure

You can now download a product brochure by clicking here 

From Cheryl...

What’s Your Cyberbully IQ?

1. How many students have admitted they had experienced some sort of cyberbullying?

            a. One in three

            b. One in five

            c. One in ten

            d. One in fifteen

2. True of False: Text bullying is the most common form of cyberbullying.

3. Which of these is a way girls engage in cyberbullying?

            a. Harassment

            b. Impersonation

            c. Exclusion

            d. All of the above

4. Although it is common for both, boys will be cyberbullies more than girls will.

5. When polled online how many teachers feel that it is common for children to receive bullying or threatening messages through their cell phones picture messaging?

            a. 25%

            b. 33%

            c. 50%

            d. 75%

Answers: 1) b  2) True  3)d  4) False 5) c

 The Truth About Cyber Bullying

With the advancements in technology and the increase in the amount of teenage and tween-age girls with access to cell phones and computers, cyber bullying has become more and more of a problem. Because cell phones now allow you to check e-mail, send pictures, and send text messages, girls are now using their mobile phones to bully and threaten each other.

Cyber bullying is sending or posting harmful or cruel text or images using the internet or mobile phones. Cyber bullying is the newest type of relational aggression. Girls may cyber bully by:

v     Sending cruel, hurtful, or sometimes threatening messages via instant messenger or text message

v     Creating websites that have pictures, jokes, gossip, or rumors that ridicule others

v     Creating online polls in which classmates will vote on who is the most “uncool” in their class

v     Breaking into someone’s e-mail account and sending vicious or embarrassing material to others

Cyber bullying has become one of the more challenging issues facing teachers and parents because computers and cell phones are such a common and important part of young girls lives.

The best defense against cyber bullying is to be an involved and informed parent. Learn how to use the computer so you can monitor what goes on in cyberspace.  Be watchful of websites that your child frequents. Talk to them, and ask them who they are talking to. Some signs that your child might be involved in cyber bullying are:

*  Spending long hours on the computer

*  Closing down the screen when you enter the room

*  Being secretive about their activities online

*  Change in behavior. They might seem depressed, have a lowered self-esteem, have trouble sleeping, have stomach or head aches. She might show a lack of interest at social events that include and her attitude, dress or habits may change. School grades may decline.

If you notice these kinds of behaviors, express your concerns, and encourage your child to talk to you. Let them know that children who are part of cyberbullying often feel ashamed and want to keep it a secret, but it’s better to discuss what’s going on with someone who can help.  

Facts About Cyber Bullying

• 99 percent of students have used the internet.

• 48 percent of students use the internet for at least one hour a day.

• One in four youth, aged 11 to 19 has been threatened via their computers or cell phones, including death threats.

• Parents think mobile phone bullying is more common than e-mail and internet bullying, but still one in five thought it was not very common or never happened.

• About 37 percent of parents are not worried their child could be bullied or threatened by mobile phone.

• 20 percent of parents are not sure if cyber bullying via cell phone merits worry.

• However, nearly 75 percent of parents whose children had a mobile phone received it between the ages of 8 and 13; the prime age for cyber bullying.

 Visit www.stoptextbullying.com for more facts and resources on cyber bullying.

Cyberbullying Prevention

Knowledge and awareness are the key elements in preventing cyberbullying. There are many forms of Cyberbullying. It can be mean messages sent by cell phone, instant message or e-mail. It can be creating websites or online polls that are made for the purpose of putting a peer down. Or it can be posting embarrassing pictures, rumors or gossip on the internet. Cyberbullying is a challenging issue facing parents and teachers alike, but with a little knowledge and awareness you can prevent this type of relational aggression.

One of the easiest things you can do is educate yourself on cyberbullying. There are several website dedicated to informing teachers and parents on the dangerous and hurtful nature of cyberbullying. Spend a few minutes learning about all the forms of cyberbullying and prevention.

Some excellent resources include:

http://www.stopcyberbullying.org/ (has age appropriate suggestions)

http://www.wiredsafety.org/ (the world’s largest online safety and help group)

http://www.netbullies.com/pages/1/index.htm (a cyberlawyer helps protect kids online)

Once you know about cyberbullying you can talk to your child about it. Express your concerns whether they might be the victim, the bully, or even the bystander. Remind them to use netiquette, to be polite to others online just as you would if you were not online. If they are a victim of cyberbullying let them know the best thing they can do is not respond. Just like bullies who bully in person, they want you to answer to know they are upsetting you. Let them know that cyberbullying is hurtful and see if there is anything you can do to resolve the situation.

Remind you child not to send messages to someone when they are angry. It is best to wait until they have cooled down and had some time to think things through. Remember angry messages, known as “flames” can’t be unsent, so take some time and think. After they have cooled down then they can resolve the issue much better with a calm message. Girls usually regret sending flames, and once you have sent the message it is very hard to undo the damage. They create more problems than they solve.

Cyberbullying can become very serious. Sometimes it isn’t just bullying but girls may send cyberthreats. In either event, let your child know she should never erase or delete messages from cyberbullies. She doesn’t have to read the message, but it is important to have as evidence. You may need to contact the police if the bullying gets out of hand. 

These are just some things you as a parent can do to prevent cyberbullying. It might also help to contact your child’s teacher to inform her of the issue. If your child is being bullied online there might also be problems at school, and letting the teachers be aware of the problems might help. You can also print some literature to give to the teacher so they are as knowledgeable as you are about this form of relational aggression.

Ten Tips for Girls to Stop Cyberbullying

1. Always tell someone you trust what is happening. This could be your parents, teacher, friend, or a responsible adult. This might help you feel better and the person may also be able to help you to find a way to stop it altogether.

2. You may need to tell the local police. It is against the law to make a call or send a text or email that is really abusive or harassing, or to keep sending messages that will annoy someone or make them anxious.

3. Never reply to the bully or send an even nastier message back. Often bullies will send a message to get a reaction, so don’t respond to it. Bullies who don’t get a reaction often get bored and stop.

4. Keep and save messages. If there is a website, online voting site, weblog or message board that says bad things about you, save a copy or print it off.

5. Take a break from your phone or computer.  Let your phone take messages and don’t chat or check text messages or e-mails. If you really need to make calls find out if your phone can turn off incoming texts for a while.

6. Make sure only good friends and family are in your phone or email address book. If you don’t recognize a number, caller Id or email leave it and get a trusted adult to check it later.

7. If you really like using a chatroom, you can sign up again with a different chat ID.

8. Always be careful who you lend your mobile to and always be careful about giving out your mobile phone number.

9. Your cell phone provider can help you by changing your number if you start getting bullied through your phone.

10. Keep telling yourself: ‘This bullying is wrong. It is not my fault and I’m not putting up with it!’ You are not alone.

Visit www.stoptextbullying.com for more tips and information on cyberbullying.

                                   Picture of the Month:

                        Girls from our Junior Club Ophelia Graduate

How to Start an Anti-Bully Group for Girls

1. Educate yourself and others about relational aggression and how it impacts on girls
2. Create a curriculum with learning objectives that detail activities to be used in the group
3. Identify and recruit girl group members and mentors
4. Train mentors and get the group started
5. Evaluate how the program affects participants

Sound overwhelming?  Now, thanks to the new Club/Camp Director Training Kit you can purchase a ready-made program that has successfully helped hundreds of girls cope with RA.  The kit includes the training and educational materials you will need to run your own Club or Camp Ophelia: a taped 'live' training session, Director's manual, the 2006 Club/Camp curriculum, Mentor training materials, and much more.  To purchase,  go to http://www.championpress.com/ophelia/kits.htm 

This Issue's Free Printable

A Summer Fun Activity
The Write Kind of Friends

Over the summer, you may not stay in touch with some friends as closely as you would during the school year. This is a great time to let others know that even though you may be separated by time and space, you still value their friendship. It’s also an opportunity for you to think about what friendship means to you.

You’ll need:

5 plain postcards from the post office (or make your own using card stock)
Stamps
Colorful markers and pens
Scratch paper

1. Make a list of five friends you want to stay in touch with over the summer
2. List one qualities of each friend that makes you like her. These should be things that reflect what’s inside her, not outside (like the color of her hair, her looks, etc.). For example, you might say she has a great sense of humor, can dance really well, likes to write stories, etc.
3. Create a “unique” postcard for each of your friends by designing the front of the postcard to reflect her friendship quality. Then use the back of the card to write her a note, add her address and a stamp, and send it off.

Activity

Cyber Bullying Quiz

Take this quiz with your daughter and test your knowledge of cyberbullying.

1. If you are the victim of cyber bullying who can you go to for help?

1. parent

2. teacher

3. police officer

4. all of the above

2. If some one sends you a mean message on your computer what should you do?

1. delete it

2. save it

3. tell a parent

4. ignore it

5. b and c

3. What is “flaming”?

1. Repeatedly sending offensive, rude or insulting messages

2. Online fights using electronic messages with angry or vulgar language

3. Intentionally excluding someone from an online group

4. Sending or posting cruel gossip or rumors

4. What are some ways girls can be cyber bullies?

1. e-mail

2. instant messaging

3. chat rooms

4. cell phones

5. all of the above

5. True or False. Cyber bullying is illegal and such harassment can be reported to the police.

Answers: 1) d  2) e  3) b  4) e  5) True

Discuss your answers, and then have a “contest” to see who can come up with five websites that are positive for both girls and women.  Spend some time together exploring both.

Mentoring

An important part of Club and Camp Ophelia is mentoring: from Directors to High School Mentors and High School Mentors to Middle School Girls. Our new Junior Program involves Middle School graduates of Club Ophelia who go on to work with younger girls in the program. Being placed in a leadership position brings out the best in almost every girl, which is why 99% of mentors stay with us two full years. Mentors find that the specialized training and supervision they receive from the Club Ophelia Mentor Program and their many experiences with girls leads to personal change.

“When I went back to school, I discovered my friends were acting relationally aggressive, too,” one mentor commented after a summer of working at Camp Ophelia. “And now I had new skills to change the way I interacted with them.”

The Club/Camp Ophelia Mentoring Kit is part of the Director Training Program described above. Persons already certified as Directors can order new kits separately.

Click here to download the free printable.
Click here to learn more about, or order, the 60 card PowHer Card Game.

(c) 2006 Cheryl Dellasega and Club/Camp Ophelia. All rights reserved.